Here Comes The Night

I don't want to sleep
I just want to spend the night with my own
I need those times to think
To refresh my mind
To make it better

OH MAN

My back hurts so much,
And I am so tired of everything
I am down, please raise me up :(

Just for today, let me cry.

I Am Not Kidding at All

I'll stick around
And see how bad it gets
I'll settle down
And deal with old regrets
You know I
I adore you

I can't let you go
Can't let you go
You're part of my soul
You're all that I know
Can't let you go

Is it better now
Do you feel like all is fair
Can we work it out
So it's easier for me to bear
Because life
It can blind you

Down from the edge
I can see where we end
I'd give up all my days to go back
There was all this wonder
And all this magic
Is all this wonder
Over and done

If love were a whisper
What would I give you to speak
Maybe you're out of my reach

I can't let you go

Matchbox Twenty - Can't Let You Go

Big Girls Don't Cry, I Agree

I agree. But I'm not big enough, am I? Oh please help me to understand, I'm trying to convince myself that life is tough but I can get through everything without causing any fuse. But I feel it's just myself. It's just myself in this whole earth, alone. Okay never mind. Help me to behave like my age. Help me to act like my age. Help me to understand people around me. Help me to throw away those jealousy and nasty feelings. Help me to be more mature. Help me to be better. Just better.

So it's been 10 days in St Ursula Senior High School. Everything is perfect. My class is okay, meeting new friends is quite easy for me. It's fun to get socialized :) And the thing is, X1 is lively. Hahaha. But I still want to be close with my friends from junior high. Like from 91. Nirmi, Meli, Vina, Lala, Tv, Tannia, Rizca, and Acel (unfortunately she moved to sangtimur and it was so sad).
And I am soooooo worried about the 11th grade. I have to choose ipa, ips, or bahasa. Actually my parents told me to choose ips, yea me too. I want ips, I really want. I don't want to work crazily and sacrifice everything for ipa. Because it's not easy for me to do all those science subjects, like psychics, and all those stuffs. I like social, although sometimes I don't do well on history. But I'm so interested in social. I will definitely take ips :)
But the problem is, my closest friends I mentioned before want to choose ipa. I am so sad. I don't know why maybe this is kind of lebai because it's still next year. But actually we have to think about it from now so we can decide the best and work hard for it. Oh man, yesterday I imagined Nirmi, Meli, Vina, Lala, Tv, Tannia, and Rizca are in the same ipa class. And me, the only one who choose ips. I'm so afraid. Okay I know I am too lebai and you know lah, but it just scares me. I know there will be so many changes in this grade. Some of my friends (my not-very-close-but-close friends) want to join ips too, but aaaa I just feel like lonely. I'm afraid to be forgotten, I still want to be close with my 91 friends I mentioned above. Okay this is too much.
This is my bad. Dania kayak anak kecil yang bego dan cengeng.

Oh please, these things aren't easy for me. And I'm still confused, between photography and gamelan bali. I don't know. I'm thinking about photography. It's like 60% for photography and another 40% for gamelan bali. Photography is fun, I like taking pics. But I'm also interested in gamelan bali. It sounds great and unique, I want to learn more about indonesia cultures (cie haha). Ah please help me to choose. And for the kegiatan bahasa I'm sure to take german, and luckily my friends too :) Then I will also join the band (I'm not sure, ada audisinya dulu sih), and english debate (ada enel dan meli dan lala kalo jadi hore haha). So I think it's enough about school.

I am so tired. Today the electricity went out when I reached home, I was shocked and mad. So I decided to prepare my books for tomorrow and then laid down with headphone on my ears.
I've been spending too much time to think about my life and all those stuffs these days. It's weird. But I have to do it to punish myself for what I did in life.
OKE MULAI BACOT LAGI, sorry :(

Okay Mom

So today is my mom's birthday. She's 49 now. But for me she looks like 35 hahahaha. Okay I'll tell you about it.

Me, my brother, and my oldest brother (who was in singapore yesterday and went to jakarta without telling anyone except me and my second bro) had been discussing about the surprise in like 1 week. My oldest brother, Bowo worked the most. Hahaha. Yea because he had enough money to buy this and this and this, and he's old enough to arrange everything. So me and my second bro, Vino just waited for him at home.

And here came the day. It was 12 am on 27th July 2009. My mom was still asleep. So I entered her room with my second brother, bringing a cake with many candles (too many I guess haha). And Bowo just waited outside her room. So after she woke up surprisingly and saw me and my second bro with a cake, my oldest brother suddenly entered the room.
And she screamed in an astonishment. She couldn't believe that my oldest bro would come home to surprise her. Unfortunately, my dad was off to Shanghai until Thursday. So we weren't complete. Hahaha.

Here are some pics;

my bro bought tiramisu cake, it was perfect :)

these aren't good enough. we used the self timer. and it was a bit dark and under :( haha but it's okay.

Yeah, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
I wish you a long and happy life :) I love you, and I'll always do.

Byebye Black Bird

Hey folks! I just watched Public Enemies this afternoon with mom and masvino. Hmm, for me it was okay. Good enough actually. But it was a bit boring at the beginning. Johnny Depp was awesome, he was cool. If I should score it, I'll give a B-. And there were many great jazz songs. Old, but nice. It sounds like Ella Fritzgerald, haha.

So today I saw the open house at school. It was very nice, and crowded. Marching Brass was fabulous (as usual), it was the first performance. Then there was a prolog of tpsu. I really want to join tpsu, and the band (definitely). But unfortunately, we can't join both of them : ( So I should choose one, and I've decided to join the band. Haha there'll be an audition.
I've also decided to join the German class (it's for the kegiatan bahasa). Then for the kegiatan humaniora, I'm still very confused aaaaa. Between photography and gamelan bali. Oh man help me. Haha. And yeah, my mom. She forced me to join the english debate class. Aa luckily Enel also will do the same :)
And today was so super. Hahaha. I went to dd with nirmi, meli, vina, tannia, susan. It was soooo fun, I had been missing those days hahaha.

Aaaa and me, these days. I've been acting so weird at home, or maybe at any other places haha. I don't know, but it's like I've been distracted lately. I've been spending my sleepless nights to think about my life. Or to punish myself. Because of those nasty things I did in life. Oh man, I have to be a better person. I'm not supposed to be jealous all the time, I have to understand. I really have to. I am so tired. I'm tired of thinking. Ah this is so weird you know. It's like death is getting closer to me, the pain is killing me. It reminds me of a girl with cancer I saw on youtube. I hope she's still alive.
Okay this is bullshit. Mulai ngelantur.

AAA my fingers hurt, it's so annoying. fuck
Bye folks!
Byebye black bird (I love this part from the movie Public Enemies)

I Believe, and I Will Always Do

Friendship is one mind in two bodies

- Mencius -

Don't Leave Me

I am so dead
Nothing could help but you
I am not kidding