I agree. But I'm not big enough, am I? Oh please help me to understand, I'm trying to convince myself that life is tough but I can get through everything without causing any fuse. But I feel it's just myself. It's just myself in this whole earth, alone. Okay never mind. Help me to behave like my age. Help me to act like my age. Help me to understand people around me. Help me to throw away those jealousy and nasty feelings. Help me to be more mature. Help me to be better. Just better.
So it's been 10 days in St Ursula Senior High School. Everything is perfect. My class is okay, meeting new friends is quite easy for me. It's fun to get socialized :) And the thing is, X1 is lively. Hahaha. But I still want to be close with my friends from junior high. Like from 91. Nirmi, Meli, Vina, Lala, Tv, Tannia, Rizca, and Acel (unfortunately she moved to sangtimur and it was so sad). And I am soooooo worried about the 11th grade. I have to choose ipa, ips, or bahasa. Actually my parents told me to choose ips, yea me too. I want ips, I really want. I don't want to work crazily and sacrifice everything for ipa. Because it's not easy for me to do all those science subjects, like psychics, and all those stuffs. I like social, although sometimes I don't do well on history. But I'm so interested in social. I will definitely take ips :) But the problem is, my closest friends I mentioned before want to choose ipa. I am so sad. I don't know why maybe this is kind of lebai because it's still next year. But actually we have to think about it from now so we can decide the best and work hard for it. Oh man, yesterday I imagined Nirmi, Meli, Vina, Lala, Tv, Tannia, and Rizca are in the same ipa class. And me, the only one who choose ips. I'm so afraid. Okay I know I am too lebai and you know lah, but it just scares me. I know there will be so many changes in this grade. Some of my friends (my not-very-close-but-close friends) want to join ips too, but aaaa I just feel like lonely. I'm afraid to be forgotten, I still want to be close with my 91 friends I mentioned above. Okay this is too much. This is my bad. Dania kayak anak kecil yang bego dan cengeng.
Oh please, these things aren't easy for me. And I'm still confused, between photography and gamelan bali. I don't know. I'm thinking about photography. It's like 60% for photography and another 40% for gamelan bali. Photography is fun, I like taking pics. But I'm also interested in gamelan bali. It sounds great and unique, I want to learn more about indonesia cultures (cie haha). Ah please help me to choose. And for the kegiatan bahasa I'm sure to take german, and luckily my friends too :) Then I will also join the band (I'm not sure, ada audisinya dulu sih), and english debate (ada enel dan meli dan lala kalo jadi hore haha). So I think it's enough about school.
I am so tired. Today the electricity went out when I reached home, I was shocked and mad. So I decided to prepare my books for tomorrow and then laid down with headphone on my ears. I've been spending too much time to think about my life and all those stuffs these days. It's weird. But I have to do it to punish myself for what I did in life. OKE MULAI BACOT LAGI, sorry :(
So today is my mom's birthday. She's 49 now. But for me she looks like 35 hahahaha. Okay I'll tell you about it.
Me, my brother, and my oldest brother (who was in singapore yesterday and went to jakarta without telling anyone except me and my second bro) had been discussing about the surprise in like 1 week. My oldest brother, Bowo worked the most. Hahaha. Yea because he had enough money to buy this and this and this, and he's old enough to arrange everything. So me and my second bro, Vino just waited for him at home.
And here came the day. It was 12 am on 27th July 2009. My mom was still asleep. So I entered her room with my second brother, bringing a cake with many candles (too many I guess haha). And Bowo just waited outside her room. So after she woke up surprisingly and saw me and my second bro with a cake, my oldest brother suddenly entered the room. And she screamed in an astonishment. She couldn't believe that my oldest bro would come home to surprise her. Unfortunately, my dad was off to Shanghai until Thursday. So we weren't complete. Hahaha.
Here are some pics;
my bro bought tiramisu cake, it was perfect :) these aren't good enough. we used the self timer. and it was a bit dark and under :( haha but it's okay.
Yeah, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I wish you a long and happy life :) I love you, and I'll always do.
Hey folks! I just watched Public Enemies this afternoon with mom and masvino. Hmm, for me it was okay. Good enough actually. But it was a bit boring at the beginning. Johnny Depp was awesome, he was cool. If I should score it, I'll give a B-. And there were many great jazz songs. Old, but nice. It sounds like Ella Fritzgerald, haha.
So today I saw the open house at school. It was very nice, and crowded. Marching Brass was fabulous (as usual), it was the first performance. Then there was a prolog of tpsu. I really want to join tpsu, and the band (definitely). But unfortunately, we can't join both of them : ( So I should choose one, and I've decided to join the band. Haha there'll be an audition. I've also decided to join the German class (it's for the kegiatan bahasa). Then for the kegiatan humaniora, I'm still very confused aaaaa. Between photography and gamelan bali. Oh man help me. Haha. And yeah, my mom. She forced me to join the english debate class. Aa luckily Enel also will do the same :) And today was so super. Hahaha. I went to dd with nirmi, meli, vina, tannia, susan. It was soooo fun, I had been missing those days hahaha.
Aaaa and me, these days. I've been acting so weird at home, or maybe at any other places haha. I don't know, but it's like I've been distracted lately. I've been spending my sleepless nights to think about my life. Or to punish myself. Because of those nasty things I did in life. Oh man, I have to be a better person. I'm not supposed to be jealous all the time, I have to understand. I really have to. I am so tired. I'm tired of thinking. Ah this is so weird you know. It's like death is getting closer to me, the pain is killing me. It reminds me of a girl with cancer I saw on youtube. I hope she's still alive. Okay this is bullshit. Mulai ngelantur.
AAA my fingers hurt, it's so annoying. fuck Bye folks! Byebye black bird (I love this part from the movie Public Enemies)
Maaf banget ya blog gue lagi kacau banget. Isinya bacot-bacot gue yang nggak penting banget. Gue cuma pengen bisa lebih tenang dengan nulis di blog ini. Tapi, kalo semuanya udah baik-baik aja, nggak akan ada lagi tulisan kayak gini. Gue cuma pengen tenang, tutup aja windownya kalo lo semua ngerasa ini nggak penting, ngerasa ini sampah, ngerasa ini cuma bacotan anak bego yang nggak punya perasaan kayak gue. Gue kehilangan rasa optimis. Gue nggak ada masalah sama sekolah. Gue niat sekolah, tapi gue nggak niat hidup. Gue nggak niat ngapa-ngapain. Gue pengen muntah abis makan, gue makin kurus. Jadi apa gue. Hari ini hancur. Gue merasa mati. Pulang sekolah gue cuma tiduran di kamar, bengong. Atau ngelamun kali ya. Pikiran gue masih di situ-situ aja. Gue pusing, tapi gue nggak ngantuk. Gue deg-degan lebai, gue takut sendiri. Rasanya gue udah tau kapan gue mati, kapan gue akan pergi ke neraka. Bukan ke surga, karena kebegoan gue. Semuanya teriak-teriak 'bego' di kepala gue. Nggak bisa berhenti. Semuanya nggak bisa hilang. Gue tutup mata gue, gue coba tidur. Suaranya makin keras. Seakan-akan suara itu bener-bener ada di kamar gue. Gue ngerasa ada orang demo teriak-teriak 'bego' di depan muka gue, di samping dua telinga gue. Gue sedih, gue takut. Gue nggak tau harus ngomong apa. Gue ngerasa kayak orang mati. Orang mati yang dipaksa hidup sama orang-orang di dunia. Orang mati yang sebenernya udah nggak punya apa-apa lagi. Gue butuh lo, sumpah.
Hari pertama masuk SMA. Masa Orientasi Siswa. Jujur gw males banget MOSnya seminggu gitu. Tapi apa boleh buat, gw udah milih masuk Sanur. Harus gw nikmati. Gw nggak sekelas sama temen deket gw (Nirmi), gw masuk kelas X1. Emang sih, banyak kelas 91nya. Ada Rizca, Tannia, Rv, Rosy, Novi, dkk. Tapi, nggak seperti orang-orang bayangin. Menurut gw X1 nggak seenak itu. Gw sedih banget, nggak tau kenapa. Semalem gw nangis, pagi ini, tadi siang, sekarang juga. Dari dulu kalo kenaikan kelas, nggak pernah ada temen deket di kelas yang baru. Gw sedih, tapi biasa aja. Gw coba optimis. Tapi sekarang, gw sedih, dan sedih banget. Gw nggak pernah sesedih in sebelumnya, walaupun banyak temen deket gw yang masuk X1. Gw kangen SMP, gw masih pengen pake putih biru. Masih pengen jalan di lorong kelas dalem bareng temen-temen gw di 91. Gw takut.
Haaaah, yang jelas sekarang gw harus coba adaptasi dengan lingkungan baru. Yang mungkin emang nggak terlalu baru, tapi bikin gw down banget. Oke, gw harus optimis. OPTIMIS! Semuanya akan baik-baik aja. Semuanya PASTI akan baik-baik aja. Tenang ya Dania, lo pasti bakal bisa seneng di SMA :)
Akhirnya, hari Rabu tanggal 15 Juli kemaren, gw bersama teman-teman kembali pergi jalan-jalan dan kuliner. Sayangnya, yang pergi cuma gw, Nirmi, Meli, Rizca, Tannia, dan Eli (yang lagi liburan di jakarta). Lala, Vina, dan Acel nggak bisa ikut. Jadi agak sepi deh, tapi seru juga. Gw lagi nggak gitu mood ngetik banyak-banyak, jadi gw ceritainnya nggak lebai ya. Haha. Ini tempat-tempat yang kita kunjungi: 1. Cafe Au Lait (Cikini) Gw suka banget tempatnya, seru buat santai. Di sana juga ada free wi fi. Makanan minumannya oke juga lah. 2. Tebet Utara Dalam Seperti yang orang-orang ketahui, di Jl Tebet Utara Dalam itu tempatnya distro-distro, kayak Bloop, Endorse, Lockers, Nanonine, dll. Tapi di sana juga ada tempat makan dan nongkrong yang seru. Sayangnya kita nggak bisa di sana sampe malem haha. 3. Comic Cafe Letaknya di Jl. Tebet Utara Dalam juga. Kita ke sini setelah jalan-jalan sekitar situ. Makanannya kalo buat gw nggak wah-wah banget. Tapi tempatnya bagus, kreatif banget yang bikin. (Gw pernah post tentang Comic cafe juga di blog kuliner gw) 4. Sekolah Sang Timur Karena kangen sama Acel, kita akhirnya nyamperin dia ke sekolahnya (Sang Timur). Lucu banget liat dia udah pake putih abu-abu, sementara kita masih beberapa hari lagi pake putih abu-abu. Rasanya kita masih SMP. Haha. 5. Sandwich Bakar Ternyata tempat ini ada juga di Gading. Gw juga suka makan di sana. Haha. Sandwichnya oke banget, gede dan enak. Fettucininya sedikit terasa seperti Indomie, tapi oke lah. Tempatnya juga asik banget buat santai. 6. Pan 'n Cook Seru seru, pemberhentian terakhir kita. Hahaha. Menu andalan kita: ijo-ijo. Semacem fettucini gitu, tapi karena kita lupa namanya jadi kita sebut itu ijo-ijo karena warnanya ijo. Haha.
Kemaren seru banget, walaupun kulinernya cuma ke 4 tempat haha. Gw beneran jadi nggak pengen cepet-cepet Sabtu besok. Di mana gw dan calon-calon siswi SMA Santa Ursula mulai masuk sekolah. Aaa tapi oke lah, harus semangat! Haha. Anyway, upcoming photos :) And I'm also planning to update my culinary blog. Hahaha.
I've found some cool rock quotes. And I wish I could make one. Hahahahaha. The one I wrote for the title was Lou Reed's. I'll copy-paste some of them here :)
The great thing about rock and roll is that someone like me can be a star. Elton John
Rock and roll music, if you like it, if you feel it, you can't help but move to it. That's what happens to me. I can't help it. Elvis Presley
Everyone talks about rock these days; the problem is they forget about the roll. Keith Richards
To make a rock'n'roll record, technology is the least important thing. Keith Richards
There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you're gonna eat it. Jack Black
This one, is a bit mean hahaha. Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years. Conan O'Brien
If it's illegal to rock and roll, throw my ass in jail! Kurt Cobain
I've got rock 'n roll in my blood. William Shatner
"Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock." - Kurt Cobain
Cita-cita gw dari SMP ini, terutama kelas 9 (setelah suatu peristiwa menyentuh gw, hahaha), adalah menjadi.. PSIKOLOG! Kesannya, ini jadi semacem obsesi. Gw seneng banget kalo ada temen-temen gw curhat atau mempercayakan gw untuk dengerin keluhan mereka. Munafik banget ya gw. Tapi emang bener, rasanya gw berasa berguna banget. Apalagi kalo gw bisa bikin mereka merasa lebih baik. Oke maaf, gw munafik banget. Tapi itu yang gw rasain. Hehehe.
Gw tanya-tanya sama keluarga gw. Pertama sama nyokap. Gw: Ma, aku kayaknya mantep nih mau ambil psikologi. Mungkin UI aja kali ya. (cieelah sma aja belom mulai) Nyokap: Hmm, yakin? Gw: Iyalah, kan aku juga udah bilang. Nyokap: Ntar kamu jadi gila loh. Gw: HAH? Nyokap: Iya, kan kamu nanganin orang-orang yang bermasalah gitu. Ntar kan stres, lama-lama gila deh. Itu pendapat nyokap gw. Mungkin tujuan nyokap gw ngomong gitu baik. Supaya gw nggak jadi gila beneran. Soalnya ada kasus psikolog jadi gila karena stres gitu. Abis itu gw tanya kakak gw. Mas Bowo: Eh ntar kamu kuliah emang mau ngambil apa? Gw: Psikologi, hehe. Mas Bowo: Hah serius kamu? Mana cocok orang kayak kamu jadi psikolog. Kalo pendapat kakak gw ini sih jahat ya. Haha. Tapi, mungkin sih nggak cocok.
Sebenernya gw rada nggak penting sih ngomongin cita-cita gw di blog. Haha. Gw pengen banget aja jadi psikolog. Jadi orang berguna, haha. Oke deh post aneh. Byebye : ()
I just watched his memorial last night. Although I'm not really fond of him, I could feel my heart was beating so fast, listening to the people obviously dedicated their speech to the King of Pop. And I always saw Jennifer Hudson singing 'Will you be there', and it was fabulous. I really love it. John Mayer also performed there, without saying anything, without whining, just with his guitar. He said he never met Michael Jackson, but Jacko's family invited him to perform. I also heard Queen Latifah's speech. It was amazing. MJ is in every person's heart. He loved to smile, to laugh, and he was caring. I was mesmerized. It was even more-wow than Elvis' death. Some singers also performed there. Such as Mariah Carey, Usher, Lionel Richie, and many more. I also saw his family, they love MJ so much. And the best performance was the last one. When the whole family of Micahel Jackson, and his close friends sang 'We are the world', and 'Heal the world'. I don't know which adjective I should use to describe it.
And this is my favorite part, the speech from Sheila Jackson Lee. "Michael Jackson, I salute you." Goodbye, we'll miss you.
The Adams, gue lagi suka banget sama band ini. Haha. Apa yang bikin mereka keren buat gue? VOCALNYA. Mereka pake pembagian suara gitu. Tapi nggak kayak padus yang gereja-gereja gitu ahahah. Keren lah pokoknya. Ini sebenernya band lama, tapi gue aja yang kuno. Wakakak. Klik fotonya buat liat myspace mereka. Favorit gw: Berwisata dan Halo Beni. : )